Being Human
Being Human
By Patricia Lynne
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 Patricia Lynne
Cover art and Design by Keary Taylor
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, places or incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Acknowledgements:
A huge thanks goes to Erin Bachand, for reading through each draft and helping me figure out the best way to tell this story. Thanks to my cheerleader and writing partner in crime, CJ Cook, to all my beta readers, Mary Beth, Marni, Dan, Brad, and Cynthia. Without you, this story wouldn’t have shined as brightly. Thanks to Keary Taylor for the beautiful cover. I get giddy every time I look at it. Thanks to Cassie Robertson for editing it. I am utterly hopeless when it comes to punctuation. Lastly, thanks to all my readers, the ones who read my ramblings on my blog and the ones who read this story.
Table of Contents
Part One: Brothers
Part Two: Friendship
Part Three: Monsters
Part Four: Sunlight
Part Five: Hatred
About the Author
Part One: Brothers
It is said vampires forget their human lives. As soon as they are turned, the memories start fading. One theory is because of need. The need to sate the hunger and thirst overtakes their senses. It consumes their thoughts and washes every little bit of humanity away until they no longer remember their human life. Another theory is that their mind changes too much. They no longer know how to think, move, talk or feel like a human. The final theory is that they simply let it go. They aren't human anymore, so what’s the point of remembering?
Maybe it's a combination of the three.
What I do know is that vampires forget being human. I forgot being human. Can't even remember the biggest details. Did I get along with my parents or was I a bad seed? Was I good in school? Did I enjoy sports? Did I have lots of friends? Or maybe even a girlfriend?
I don’t know any more or care. Why should I? That human life is behind me, forgotten with the first taste of blood.
Guess the first theory is accurate. Wake up in the evening with thirst burning in my throat and lay down at dawn with it simmering in my stomach. Sometimes I feel like a junkie, always looking for my next hit, my next meal – a victim, according to humans.
There are some things from my human life that matter a lot. Events, places and one human in particular I can’t forget. I know these things because they happened after I was turned.
The first thing that came to me, when I woke in a small clearing in the woods, was the darkness. It was dark, but at the same time… not. I could see everything, every tiny detail was clear as if illuminated by light. But there was no light, not even moonlight. I stumbled around the small clearing, disoriented as the world bombarded me with sensations.
A gentle breeze howled in my ears and felt like talons ripping across my cheeks. The world beneath me felt unstable, as if it slowly rotated. When I reached to touch the ground, the grass beneath my fingers felt uneven and sharp, biting into my skin. I jerked my hand away, drawing a breath, and the smells hit me like a hammer. Dirt, grass, rocks, trees and animals that were no longer there. Hundreds of scents hung in the air; my nose twitching as it took every scent in and my mind distinguished everything.
As I stood in this familiar – yet alien – world, I felt my memories start to fade away. What had happened in the clearing was the first to disappear. I didn’t try to hold onto it. Just a dream, I told myself. That couldn't have happened to me. I needed to get home before I was grounded.
Maybe I had been a bad seed.
The journey home felt like it took forever, but in reality, took a matter of minutes. I stopped often. First because my new sight had me stumbling, but, as I grew accustomed to it, my stops became ones of confusion. Where was I going? The answer was home, but I grasped for a reason why. Did I need something there? A drink? Could it be that simple? After all, my throat burned as if I had swallowed a mouthful of hot coals. A need to quench that fire burned in my mind, driving me forward.
When I reached home, only a sliver of human denial persisted. It’s a bad dream, get a glass of water and go to bed, it whispered. But a much more insistent part of me screamed, Get inside and satisfy your thirst!
Welcomed home, my parents fussed over me. My mother sighed I needed to get to bed and my father scowled and scolded me for being irresponsible. Why had I disappeared without telling them where I was going? Didn’t I know vampires were waiting in the shadows to feed on the unsuspecting?
Humans knew that vampires existed. It had been an accident, an unintentional slip on the old vampire's part. Tired of existing, she sat outside to wait for the sun. The rays washed over her and her body burst into flame while a tourist bus witnessed the event. The tourist company called the news stations, a few reporters investigated and found all that remained of the vampire – a pile of ashes. The ashes were sent to some scientists for testing. The scientists discovered the ashes used to be human, but there was something not quite right – not quite human – about them. Then a video taken by one of tourists surfaced on the Internet, next national news and it became open season on vampires.
After that, any vampire discovered was caught, bound and left to greet the morning sun. Or set on fire. Anything to make the vampire burn until nothing remained but a pile of ash. Scientists gathered the ashes to study and figure out how to best destroy a vampire. It was, of course, an approved genocide. Who would protest the killing of a creature so evil?
Now comes the part in the story where I’m expected to say everything turned out okay. My family was horrified I had been turned, but accepted me as a vampire and we hid it well.
That's not what happened. What happened was I hid in my room, huddled in the corner, as the overwhelming vampiric instinct washed away the last remnants of my human life. There was only one thought and it consumed me: Hunger.
The hunger devoured every thought, dominating my mind with its heat. It drove me out of my room and into the dark hallway. Rhythms echoed in my ears, sounding like a drum set that beat just for me. Maybe the rhythm was instinct, telling me what to do and where to go. At the time, all that mattered was the overwhelming hunger and how I knew exactly what would quench it.
When I opened the door to the room that contained the loudest rhythms, it didn't make a sound.
The next few moments were the best of my new vampire life. Blood and heat, life slipping into death, all flowing into me like a river I couldn't get enough of. I wasn't aware of who I was feeding on, only that I was quenching the hunger and need. It was the most blissful thing I could do. No longer did I care about the humans who had been my parents. They meant only one thing to me now: sustenance.
With my fangs deep in the human’s neck, something came to me. A warm hand touched my shoulder and a rhythm behind me beckoned. I abandoned the dead woman in my arms, letting her fall to the beige carpet next to the lifeless male. Both were already forgotten as I turned to face the human behind me.
The rhythm halted and the noises stopped. Not a single creak or chirp was heard. Every breath stopped as the world paused. This human…
He looked just like me!
He looked like a healthy human boy and I knew that I didn't. My skin had to be pale with a permanent sheen of death on it. Where my eyes still that blue?
A tormented look shone in his blue eyes. His fingers grazed my cheek like he was afraid I wasn’t real. Then he whispered one word and everything changed.
My brother said my name.
A weight slammed into me, crushing me with ugly realization. The humans behind me were more than blood. They had been my parents and I had murdered them. Worse than that, I had been planning murdering my brother as well. The thought ripped through me like a tornado. My eyes twitched and my throat tightened like I was going to cry. Tears never came; my eyes stayed dry and I whispered, “Danny, what have I done?”
“It's okay,” he said, instead of answering. He knelt in front of me, his eyes locked on mine and his hands on my shoulders. “It's okay,” he said my name again. “You're going to be okay. Just relax.”
“How?” I asked, unable to grasp the concept of relaxing. The idea of emotions felt foreign, like they no longer applied to me. My voice must have sounded void of emotions because my brother's face wavered and I heard whispers of his thoughts.
They say vampires stop caring. Has he already stopped caring about me?
I considered answering his thought, but said something else. “I can't stay here.”
“Why not?”
His eyes were still locked on mine. Humans should never look into a vampire's eyes. Thoughts whisper from behind the eyes, telling the vampire what the human is thinking, enabling the vampire to take control of those thoughts and bend the human’s will.
“You can't be seen with me,” I said, but I thought to myself, I'm terrified I'll kill you. I didn't want to scare him. He was acting so reserved; his voice didn’t tremble, his face was calm and there was no fear in his scent. Any other human would have panicked, started screaming, and the smell of their fear would have been like a drug I couldn’t resist.
Maybe he knew it was vital to stay calm. He knew that, as my twin, I wouldn't want to kill him, that I couldn't – which was why I stopped when he touched me. The horror I had felt about murdering my parents was fading. There would be no guilt over their deaths or for any of my victims to come. It is the reason that humans believe vampires have no feelings. They say we are cold and emotionless monsters.
That's a lie.
Love, hate or sorrow; a vampire still feels them. Our reactions are simply different, faster and often missed by humans. If I had harmed my brother that night, I knew I would have felt the emotions. Guilt and anger would have torn at me, demanding to know why I had hurt him.
“I don’t care who sees,” he said. “You can't leave me. We have to stick together.”
I shoved him away, my strength sending him flying across the room. He landed against a wooden dresser with a cry of pain. The sound tore at me, but I didn’t dare turn back. I dove out the window, landing on my feet and sprinting away. Behind me, I heard him yell my name, his voice filled with anguish.
“I have to leave,” I said as I ran, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hear me. “Your brother is dead and there's only me now.”
****
I ended up in the woods outside the town I was certain I had lived in as a human. I wandered among the trees until the sky started to lighten. Digging with my bare hands, I dug deep into the ground where it was cool and quiet. I drifted through the day in half awareness, but never really asleep. You don't need to sleep when you're dead. You only need to lay still and rest.
As the day passed, I wondered. Not about the vampire who turned me – that no longer mattered. Vampires aren’t loving parents who stay by your side to watch over you and make sure you get everything right. No, they bite and drain you, leaving you to turn and wake alone and confused and to figure everything out for yourself. I guess instinct is enough to keep any vampire alive.
My mind wondered again and again about my brother. I couldn’t help myself; my thoughts returned to him unbidden. There were no memories other than the ones from the night before. Anything else about him I felt. Love and caring, concern over his wellbeing. I felt connected to him; I didn't want to be away from him. I knew he felt the same for me; I had seen it in his eyes in our parents' room. Even in death, the twin bond was strong.
When the sun began to set, my body vibrated with energy. Eagerly, I dug myself up and shook the dirt off. My first thought was to feed. Hunger lay curled inside me like a beast and I remembered how good it had felt to feed. Heat had coursed through me, giving me a surge of energy that strengthened me and made me feel more than alive.
Then I remembered my brother.
Somehow, like I knew who he was when I saw him, I knew he wouldn’t want me to kill and that mattered to me. What he wanted shouldn’t matter, I knew, but it did. He was important to me and the urge to not disappoint him gnawed at me.
“I want to feed!” I told the night sky. Pacing back and forth, I tried to figure out how to get the blood I needed. No, it wasn’t need fueling me, it was want.
How?
How could I feed and not sadden my brother?
I felt it was impossible; I couldn’t feed without hurting him. Frustrated and confused, I slammed my fist into a tree and sent bark flying as the dry wood splintered. With a growl, I shoved the tree, sending it crashing to the ground.
“Why do you have to matter?” I shouted. “Why can't I forget you like I’ve forgotten everything else? I'm not human! I don't want to be!”
The words froze me. Already I didn't want to be human? That was how fast vampire instinct worked? Washing everything human away in a matter of hours until there was left nothing but a lethal predator? I couldn’t even grasp the concept I was once human.
I sank to the forest floor, ignoring the urge to hunt and drink blood, and letting the night slip by. Bats flew above, crickets chirped, the stars sparkled and the moon shone. I ignored it all, lost in thought over the puzzle of my brother and my hunger.
Eventually I rose. Enough musing and agonizing over my brother; it was time to satisfy myself. No destination or plan in mind, I headed out of the woods and into the town. I knew what I was going to do and how to do it. There was no rush.
Well, maybe a little rush. With only so many hours in the night, I couldn’t afford to waste too much time. There were more hours during the day, but I would be useless then.
The streets were deserted, all humans inside their homes, so I moved outward, hanging along the roads. Cars sped by and I raced to catch one. Above the drone of the engine, the rhythm of four hearts beat. Tempting, but I wanted to take it easy. I dropped back to wait for another car. The next one had a single human in it, one rhythm beating. I picked up my pace, pushing to match the speed of the car, and jumped.
I landed silently on the roof of the little sedan. The wind whipped around me, wild and chaotic. I paused for a moment, enjoying the feeling. It felt pure. Nothing could corrupt the wind or stop it. Unlike the rhythm beating below me.
Music muffled through the roof, the rhythm of the human’s heart almost keeping beat to the tune. Is it not enough/Is it not enough/Everything that was said/Everything that was done/In the end I gave all I had/Sacrificing all I loved for you/And I forgave you for it all.
The last line stuck in my head, a truth ringing in the words.
I had murdered my parents and thought about killing my brother and yet he didn’t hate me. I wasn't necessarily sure that was right. How would I have felt if it had been my brother who was turned and murdered our parents?
With no memories to indicate how I should feel, I turned my attention to the human below me. Quickly, I smashed the passenger side window and the human i
nside screamed. The car swerved, out of control, and into the other lane. Moving quickly, I slid through the shattered window, instinct directing me. My gaze connected with the human's and I pushed my will against hers. The car slowed to a stop, pulling to the side. The human didn’t move, her gaze locked on me and her thoughts blank from the force of my will. I did not want her thinking about dying. That would only make her struggle.
Maybe it was because my first kill had been my sleeping parents. They hadn't been conscious, there was no struggling or screaming, and that had imprinted on me. Or maybe I liked the idea that if the human submitted to my will and stayed calm, I could enjoy the blood more. Savor the taste instead of trying to contain a frightened human.
The fear never left her eyes as I moved closer. I thought about reassuring her, saying it that was all right and it would be over quickly. But it felt like it'd be in vain. My words would be a lie. She would disagree that killing her was all right.
I had to say something though. I felt like my brother would want me to. He'd rather me say, I'm sorry or Nothing personal. A small reassurance instead of nothing.
But those words wouldn't help, my mind reasoned as my lips touched her neck.
I should say something though, I argued.
Then it didn't matter.
It didn't matter what my brother thought or how scared this human felt. Didn't matter if a torch-baring mob surrounded me. My teeth were buried in her neck, the crimson blood pulsing onto my tongue and flowing down my throat. My want and yearning was satisfied. That was all that mattered as I fell further and further into the rhythm of blood.
****
I left the dead human in her car on the side of the road. It was fine where it was, where it would be found. That's how it should be, I mused. Vampires fed on humans and leave the bodies so the other humans could bury them.